ZEEGRADE REVIEWS
A SITE DEDICATED TO MY ADDICTION TO BAD MOVIES.  ENJOY SOME OF MY AMUSING 
COMMENTARIES ON MY SEARCH FOR THE TRULY AWFUL FILMS THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN
FORGOTTEN UNTIL NOW.  THIS IS MY GOLDEN PATH.  
 REMEMBER, IF SHE'S A VIRGIN YOU GET 10% OFF THE SALAD BAR AT SHONEY'S! 

TRAILERS OF THE DAMNED
WARNING! SOME TRAILERS CONTAIN EXPLICIT CONTENT.

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THE SINFUL DWARF - 1973: As if you needed another reason to hate midgets Torben Bille adds creepy faces and a thick foreign accent to make himself the most repulsive creature on Earth.  That is until Bill Maher was born.  Olaf lures young girls to his apartment with toys, gets them hooked on smack, and promptly whores them out with his mother as the pimp.  Wasn't this the same platform the "Hip Hop Mayor" ran on in Detroit?
   
GINGER - 1971: Cheri Caffaro...where do I begin?  I love this woman.  Between her filthy mouth and sluttly persona I am absolutely smitten by her.  If I had a time machine I wouldn't witness the crucifixion of Christ or the signing of the Declaration of Independence, I'd try to hook up with this vixen at a seedy New Jersey bar.  This is the trailer that got me suspended from YouTube AFTER I edited the shit outta it.  Here's the uncut.  Enjoy you ba-stards! 

     
BOSS NIGGER - 1975: Long before Americans became overly sensitive politically-correct pussies Fred Williamson starred in this blaxploitation classic as a bounty hunter turned sheriff who brings black justice to the local crackers (the race not the snack) as well as punishing honkey vagina with his Black Cobra.  See what I did there?  Currently released on DVD under the title "Boss".  Like I said pussies.  Shouldn't Jesse Jackson be organizing a boycott against this movie?  Oh wait, he's too busy counting his money.

 


NUDE ON THE MOON - 1961: Rumor has it that Carl Sagan sued for stealing his idea of a movie that had him teaching us the effects of our nearest satellite on Earth's gravity while shaking his pecker in your face.  Two scientist go to the moon and find topless women mind you, not nude in the least.  First global warming now this.  Fucking liars.



DEADLY WEAPONS - 1974: Imagine taking the most beautiful thing on Mother Gaia, namely boobies and utterly destroying them.  Deadly Weapons does just that as Chesty Morgan uses her asteroid sized breasts as implements of death.  If I really wanted to see some hog walk around topless I'd peep into Rosie O'Donnell's bathroom before my eyes melted outta my sockets.  This is secretly the movie they  forced Malcolm McDowell's character from A Clockwork Orange to watch during his capture.


WILDCAT WOMEN IN 3D - 1975: The movie that allows you to participate in the lovemaking.  That sounds fun but when the guy behind you whips his dick out and starts humping my this guy I know's man perm you're gonna be pissed.  Can you imagine how sticky the theater floor was after this?  You would probably need a haz-mat team to clean that sumbitch.


BLOOD ORGY OF THE SHE-DEVILS - 1972: Should be sued along with Chain Gang Women for most misleading movie title ever.  Blood.  Scant amounts.  Orgies.  None.  Boredom.  In spades.  Ted V. Mikels just plain sucks.  He's a black hole of talent.  A drunk bum with a knife stuck in his skull and a camcorder would look like Scorsese compared to this hack.  There's a special place in hell reserved for this cocksucker along with Nick Saban and Seth Macfarlane. 



WHAM BAM THANK YOU SPACEMAN - 1975:
Before Clown Porn was invented you had to watch movies like this if you wanted "wackiness" with full penetration.  Nothing like a cream pie to the vagina to get you all hot 'n' bothered you pervert!  Directed by William Levey, the same douchebag responsible for Hellgate which I rip to shreds here.  Was that Michael Douglas with his wife at the end of the trailer?  You decide.



THE WRESTLER - 1974: Let me make myself crystal clear.  Anyone born with a penis over the age of 18 that likes to watch two guys go at it in a ring has some serious sexual issues they need to work out.  And no, the "bra & panty" matches don't throw off the scent either.  Fanboys will cream their unitards as Vince McMahon makes a cameo in this wrestling flick that gets nothing but ten star votes by the thirty seven year old virgins that populate its IMDb page.  Also stars Ed "missing link" Asner.


FOR Y'UR HEIGHT ONLY - 1981: 2'9" Weng Weng is a Filipino midget James Bond that can fit into all of those nooks and cranies that us normal folk can't.  Mr. Big (the bad guy not the shitty band from 1988) has kidnapped the inventor of the N-bomb (nigger bomb?) and is using the weapon to hold the world hostage.  The only crime in this film is the way broads fall instantly in love with this human/hamster hybrid.  I guess they figure on just inserting his entire body into their vaginas.  That's just my theory. 
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